amy-
Please, please, please call me back. I need to hear your voice so bad right now that I just can't even think.
I am lost without you.
love,
sophie

Dear *****,

I hate that I depend on you.
I hate that my every action around you is influenced by you.
I hate that I crave your attention so much.
I hate that I wish you were my mother instead.
I hate being so fucking dependent on you.
I hate that I think about you all the time.
I hate that I've crossed the line and that if I could I'd cross it further.
I do stupid stupid things just for an excuse to be near you, I obsess about your reactions to them and then I take it out on myself when you don't do what I want.

This made no sense because my thoughts make no sense.
I just want them to go away.

I don't know how I'll manage without you.
The thought of it makes me more suicidal, because I feel like nothing without you.

Please love me. 

Last night I had to go a-hunting for a new writing journal. And FYI, I keep three, one for journaling about everyday stuff, one for writing exercises and ideas, and one for weight loss.

Anyhow, I went to both Barnes and Noble and Borders looking for one and I found that I really don't like it when journals have flourishes on the pages inside, and it seemed they all did. Even the really fancy leather journals have the company watermark on them. Am I the only one who finds that distracting and bothersome? I don't like having anyone else's creative mark on a page, even if all I'm doing is scribbling down bits of stories.

I also had a couple of questions:

1. If I were to sell off some of my other journals that I bought but no longer have any interest in using, would anyone here want to purchase them? I'd basically sell them for way less than I got them for, and whatever the cost of mailing them is.

2. Has anyone here made the transition from lined to unlined pages? I'm still trying to get used to using a blank journal without lines after years of using lined pages.

3. Anyone got any special methods for motivating yourself? I've missed a few days for lack of enthusiasm and a feeling of deep down blah. I really want to keep going, and wondered what people here use for inspiration.

"cupcake,"
so
you sneer at my tattoo ideas, huh?
at least they are more than a fucking nickname
and won't look fucking retarded no matter where I put them
you know why we can't figure out where your cupcake tattoo should go?
cause it shouldn't!
you won't look good with ink!
NOT TO MENTION A GODDAMN CUPCAKE!

Now, I don't think all tattoos need meaning or anything like that. And cupcake tattoos can be cute.
But really.
REALLY?
You wanted to get one that meant something to you. "Te amo." I love you, in Spanish.
I had to try hard with that one cause you don't speak spanish and you're barely hispanic at all. you hardly claim it as your heritage, except when in need of scholarships. But it's a nice saying.
But that was too plain, so we went looking for images
and I found a really awesome one.

But you decided to hold off on that whole idea for I don't even know what reason.
Because you wanted a cupcake.
Cupcake was your nickname from people that a) you have never met IRL and b)not only do you not talk to, but you actually AVOID. I only started using it because it was cute and we were best friends.

And then you went CRAZY.

And I KNOW we're not going to stay friends forever. Really now. Do you think that we are? Because you are seriously deluded if that's the case.

Anyway. You really want a cupcake tattoo that "has meaning" (though it's a meaningless nickname)? Ok. But do not roll your eyes at my ideas that actually reflect my ideas and life choices, not tastes in dessert and bad internet friends, k?

(hm. never thought I'd be so heated about a tattoo but eh. it happens)

 

Fruits from my plot
Уральский урожай


Chelyabinsk railwaystation ("Blue mountains" mart) / ЖД вокзал Челябинска (торговый центр "Синегорье")


Часовня для мимоследующих / Travellers' chapel


Путь железа / Steel way

Do you think it's wrong for a father to not call his daughter on her birthday? What about a mother and father?

Today was my 21st birthday, and I had an amazing day. Had to work, but the kids I watch were behaved well enough. I got a free dinner at Azteca, an iPod from my employers and a really good drink. All my friends and other family called or texted to wish me a happy birthday, but here it is Midnight, and nothing from either of my parents.

Its just one more disappointment on the page that my parents have been adding to for a while now. And I tried not to let it ruin my day, and I think I did an alright job. But still the tought kept creeping into my mind every few hours... "I wonder if mom will call" "she's probably waiting til she knows I'm off work" "regardless of how dad's been lately, he wouldn't miss my birthday"

Whatever, I shouldn't blame them as people, I know what the problems are. I know why my dad is too busy to call. He's got a friend in his life again. His friends name is Meth... There hasn't been too much proof of his addiction or him possibly using again, so my entire family has been going back and forth on whether they believe he has lost control and given in again. No one knows for sure, because he shuts us out of that part of his life. But I believe he is. Its easier to believe that then to believe that he would choose to shut me and my sisters out once again. My sisters are 10 and 5, they both have crazy, messed up moms too. And he is hurting them by staying away, hurting them with the bad choices he's been making. And it hurts me to see him hurt them because they have no idea its happening. They haven't been through this like I have. So I take on their burden too. Because I'm old enough to have an opinion, I'm old enough to know that what he is doing is not right. So what I didn't call him on fathers day, he hasn't been acting like a father. I have done nothing wrong, and neither has Kelsey or Emily. You better call Kelsey on her birthday.

As for my mom... I just talked to her yesterday. She's coming to my party. And her boyfriend just got home last night from a fishing trip in Alaska. Her busy-ness I understand. But it still hurts to not get that phone call I've always gotten on the 24th of July, at the time of my birth by the woman who gave birth to me.

Just me venting. Feel free to call me selfish, spoiled, conceited... whatever, I'm going to bed.

(this didn't make me feel any better, it just made me think of all the upsetting things. I need to get my mind on track and think more about my night out on the town saturday night, YAY for 21!)

-Birthday girl

I understand now, Quenten.

I know you got put in a corner. I know how hard it must've been. I have to break a heart very soon and the weight of it's just killing me. Then a part of me got to thinking, maybe this is where you were when she asked you to choose. The difference being I know he'll survive it, and that's why I'll do it. Because he deserves better than a girl who can't love him with all her heart... and I can't love him like I loved you.

I know you're doing your best to forget me-- to hate me-- 'cause in the end I'm sure that'll make it all easier. I'm also sure you know that I'm strong, and that's how you've known all along that I could take this.

So I'll help you out. It's been over a year now, and it's time to start forgetting you.

I won't let you down. Goodbye old friend.

R, I like you. I like you. I like you. I like you. Why couldn't I have liked you when I saw you everyday?

Angel,

I love you.

So much.

Every time I say it, I mean it.

Every promise I whisper, I'll keep it.

You're my world.

I hope you are proud of me.

Because I am more than proud of you.

I try hard.

But you've taught me that I don't have to bend backwards to impress you.

I'm happy when I'm with you.

More so than with anyone else.

I'll follow you forever.

Holding you hand.

...

Thank you.

For everything.

For making my life better.


Again...I love you.

And I'll never get tired saying it.

*chu*


-Bunni

Dustin,
Nice try, boy. Nice try indeed. Pick somewhere a little more secluded next time, okay?
(If there is a next time!)
-C

Mommy-
sorry for yelling at you.  it really isn't your fault that you don't get what i go through at school or around people.
and i saw how happy you were before versus how unhappy you were after, and i'm sorry.
plus, i had to yell at you over stupid laundry, and it was probably my fault for not reminding you in the first place.
especially since it wasn't a big enough deal to fucking yell at you over.  i'm irrated that i had to move the shirts to
put my shoes on, but not that irrated.  sorry.
-your disrespectful, pathetic daughter.

I've been disapointed two nights in a row. I wonder what you're doing! It's crazy that you brighten my day huh.

Dear Julia, Jess, and Nekko:

I FOUND OUT MY FATHER HAS BEEN DOING DRUGS LAST NIGHT. Sorry I'm acting like a "meany-head" but I'm not exactly in the mood to deal with you motherfuckers at the moment. Sorry for not participating in your fucking puppet show that'll probably be seen by Lin, Amanda, and the whole In The Heights cast. Then you'll have something to brag about to me for the rest of my life and I'll have to "regret never being there".

You guys are the biggest assholes I know. I fucking hate you. And I'm not forgiving her. I don't care. You honestly make me wanna throw myself off this building.

I hate you.

Love always,
Me.

Dear You,

You do NOT call me a bitch or allow others to do so. You're not being loyal. Stop talking to these people immediately. Oh, and don't blame me for your decisions.


Me.

I collected my snacks sent by bettybites from the post office yesterday :-) Was glad the girl I shared my office with wasn't in, as I tore the package open and started squealing and hopping about in a very silly fashion. Barely managed to take pictures with my mobile before I started eating stuff. I'm maybe a little overexcited but I've never been to the USA and have always loved the things people have brought back, and the few things we get imported here.


Because I have quite a lot or Russian and German snacks lying around at home at the moment, I've left my American snacks at my office. The theory is that they'll last me longer that way :-) we'll see eh.

Thank you so much bettybites, it's been a pleasure swapping with you! Thanks also to the organisers!!!

To the boy that stopped me thinking of Voldemort;

This may not even go anywhere, but you are the first guy in ages that has stopped me feeling upset about my past; you make me laugh so much, and you make me feel young, and attractive, but not in a bigheaded way!
I just hope that you arent backing away from me, as you seem a bit distant from me, like maybe you arent so sure since you met up with me, or something else is going on...

Or maybe its just been so long since I have genuinely liked someone, that i am now freaking out and worrying... I dont know... all I know is that I kind of want this to be something special ^_^

your little emo girl x

Di,

( cut for swearing and big font )

me

Fucking FREAK -

 I've asked you to stay away from me. This also means you stop talking to people about me. Words can't explain how creepy it was to have a bus driver approach me today and tell me that he knew "the whole story" of "what happened" between us. This is what happened. You got me intoxicated I said I liked you but I don't. You got really creepy saying that you loved me and wanted me to have your kids. You bawled your eyes out in the parking lot of the clinic because I don't love you. You hung out with me one fucking day, get the fuck over it. I was so, so, so sickened when I saw you in that parking lot crying like a fucking fool with snot running down your nose and everything. If thats what happens after we hung out one time what would happen if we dated and I broke up with you? You are mentally unstable and you need serious help. I'll get you your precious box back and then stay the fuck away from me and stop talking about me and my business with strangers and if you feel the need to do that make sure you are totally honest with them about everything. Stop making it seem like you deserve sympathy and show your true freak colors. Those include the way you locked your ex in the house and wouldn't let her out and that you beat her. My "warning" bells don't usually go off when I meet guys who are bad for me but mine did when I met you and when my bells go off I know it means trouble. FUCKING NASTY FREAK STAY AWAY FROM ME.

Christina

What a neat coincidence that two very cool, smart, kind, funny, fun and eccentric (in a good way *giggle*) people share the same birthdate of July 24 -- although different birth years, of course! ;D Those people are my best friend of 16+ years whom I love like a sister and whom I miss now that her husband's work transfer made them move soojaebi, and a rodent-loving LJ friend whom I'd love a chance to meet in person, purplesquirrel. You are both awesome people and I count myself lucky to know you! I hope you have wonderful birthdays and many more healthy and happy returns of the day! *HUGS* Here are some festive little gifties for you....

Dear Michael,
In my heart I know we are meant to be together. But also I feel like we may be drifting apart. This "break" that we have been on for the past 2 and a half months has not fixed any of our problems. It cut me like a blade when you told me that you didn't want to be a boyfriend right now. If that was the case, why didn't you just tell me sooner? Sometimes you make me feel inadequate. You make me feel like you could get someone better when you do not respect my opinions and appreciate the things I do for you. But through thick and  thin, you have been there for me. You were there for me when my mom died, and when I hated everything about myself the most. I wish that you could see that we need to stop this "game" we are playing and start acting like adults. You tell me that you love me. But you don't want to be with me, right now. Love shouldn't have any restrictions. I have said this too many times, and you know how I feel. Now its up to you to prove yourself to me. I want you to want to be with me. I am tired of you saying things because you know its what I want to hear.

-Nicole.

Hello everyone :)
My name is Nadine, I'm turning 25 this September and live in Germany. I stumbled across this community while randomly browsing LJ and thought this is a great idea.

So, for a start, I thought to introduce myself a bit. As I said, I'm turning 25 soon and live in Germany. To be really honest, I don't quite know where I stand in life right now. I've been through several different jobs, from working in a PR agency to working as a security to being a sales person and now being a telephonist. I guess you could say that I'm trying to figure out where I want to go with my life.

Since I was little, I have always been interested in people all over the world and the differences between cultures and the way people live in other countries. When I was younger, I had quite a few pen pals all over the world, but as we grew older we developed different interests and sooner or later grew apart. I have always loved to write and recieve hand written letters over email :)

Also, I do love to travel. If I remember correctly, I have been to France, Portugal, Turkey, Belgium, the USA, England and Wales. I'd love to travel again, but have to save up some money again. Some day, I hope to travel all over the world with just a backpack. A girl can dream, right? ;)

Anyway, before I go on rambling, I'd love to meet new people all over the world, preferbly my age as I'd guess we'd have more in common or to talk about rather than people a lot younger than me. Feel free to ask any questions :)

Dear Boy,

I know I have only just met you, but I have come to find that there is something extraordinary about your heart. I have developed a strong affection for you and in all honesty, I cannot seem to get you out of my head, and even though I am almost one hundred percent, sure, I could never have you—I still daydream about you every day.

You have lit the fame that will ignite my heart, and I am not sure if I will ever be the same again.

You deserve all the happiness, and love one could offer. Please come back from where ever you are, I miss you.

xoxo,

Me

Danny, CJ, Tyler, and everybody else from Oviedo, really;
Stop talking shit about my boyfriend. It's just that simple. He's in Arizona, so I'm the one that has to defend him, since be obviously can't defend himself. It would be wonderful if you could wait until he gets back on the eighth, but since you can't, I'm having to tell you straight up how it is. He'd never dream of cheating on me, or anyone else for that matter, much less with two other girls at once. We were friends for two years before we got together, so I can easily say that I know him very well. So just, keep his name off your lips, please. I like being friends with you kids, and I'd love to keep it that way, but only if you stop talking about him that way, okay?
-Your little monster

Cutieface;
I'm still defending you with everything that I have. I won't let them keep this crap up while you're not around. Just hang on until the eighth, and then until April 5th. Maybe the Disney performance will be on the sixth, and we can be having all that fun on our year and a half. :]
Just hold on, baby. Please, just hold on.
- Your darling :]

Dad;
My sixteenth birthday is in four days. And because of you, it's going to blow.
Thanks a lot for preparing to ruin another birthday of mine.
- The daughter you flat out stated that you wish you never had